Contact Is Currative

It has been a solid week of intense contact.  The friends from my party mentioned in the last blog I was able to make heartfelt connection with.  Man, I really do have good friends.  My heart wants to shut down but they are open to hearing my experience and well, I am relationally extremely good at repair.  It is why I am a kick ass couples therapist because couples therapy is less about communication "skills" and more about staying vulnerable enough to make repairs with those we love after we fuck up.

I continue to be amazed at how open hearted vulnerability creates a wide amount of space for connection and healing and deepening relationship.  I had some other harder conversations with my best friend where we each had to admit that we don't connect well in distress mode.  Her young stuff that had to take care of her mother's distress comes up. And when she is in distress mode she disappears.  I am the opposite.  I reach out in distress mode but on the ready for being dropped - sometimes setting the dropping up.  So each of us triggers very young stuff in the other.  It was a beautiful lovely place of witnessing and compassion and recognizing that each of us will have to stretch and heal to be present for each other - for her to reach when she is in distress, for me to take a deep breath before I reach and for each of us to stay uber present with each feeling, moment to moment in distress interactions and compassionately set boundaries so no one feels overwhelmed or dropped.  It is honest.  I have other friendships end because this conversation can't be had.  Makes me grateful to have so many friends so deeply skilled at contact, communication and vulnerability.  I am grateful I am so skilled at this.  I am.  It is my greatest strength.  Whew. 

I am grateful I do this repair process well because it gives my humanity a lot of room with my kids.  They have been in my heart all week in a massive way.  I love them.