Being in Authentic Connection

Just left my consult group, unpacking unconscious interactions between clients and therapists.  It is easy to get caught up, per my post earlier, that everything is about "my" wounding but what I am getting is that we miss out if that is all we focus on.  I learned early on that I had to look deeply at myself and take on all the blame for any mishaps that were happening in relationship -if I was the screw up the other person didn't have to be anxious or feel uncomfortable.  Even my nervous system work sometimes too readily has me oriented towards my nervous system vulnerabilities around attachment rather than fully inhabiting my experience with the other - as curious about their experience as my own.  In other words, this old pattern has me miss out on my experience of being in connection to other people - I am too focused on being a wounded fuck up rather than notice "hey you over there!".

 What it takes to be in authentic connection is a willingness to reveal your experience, to stand for your experience, without labeling it as good or bad, wounded or not and without burdening the other person to fix it and part of what is IN that experience is fully relating and experiencing the connection with others.    I now finally understand Fritz Perls' "Contact is Curative".  Sharing the moment to moment experience of who we are rather than once removed interpretations or defenses is real contact.  I feel so grateful for so many people in my life I do connect with in this way.  I seem to orient towards all the people I can't and that somehow that must mean what I am experiencing or who I am is fucked up.  I am still struggling with how to relate to people in my personal life who aren't attempting to live out their authentic experience.  I feel a bit unsafe around those people.   For now I am grateful to be in this rare club of souls who are deeply interested in authentic connection.  Being freed up, this afternoon from the usual "you're fucked up" song and dance leaves me so softened in my body and so eager for more connection with my friends and family.  Thank you friends and sweet husband and kids!